Winter 2018-2019 Anime List

Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari
Date A Live III
Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai: Tensai-tachi no Renai Zunousen
Domestic na Kanojo
Go-toubun no Hanayome
Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan Conclusion
Hataraku Saibou: Kaze Shoukougun
Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru
Fukigen na Mononokean: Tsuzuki
Doukyonin wa Hiza, Tokidoki, Atama no Ue.
Watashi ni Tenshi ga Maiorita!
Ueno-san wa Bukiyou
Ame-iro Cocoa: Side G
Rinshi!! Ekoda-chan

Movie:
Ashita Sekai ga Owaru toshitemo

My First Fall in Japan

Basically this post is just about my eighth month in Japan which means it is my second month as a master student. There are nothing much to tell, but yeah still I got some stories, no?

Since my knee was hurt, I didn't go anywhere more than 10KM round-trip. It means that I could only cycle to a dept store. Also in November, the other annoying course had started. It had 2 meetings a week and each meeting had two sessions. Not bad enough? It took the first and second shift meaning that the class started at 9.20 A.M. which made me had to manage my sleeping time and food preparation properly. It ain't that bad, right? Hahaha. I haven't finish my sentence. Each meeting had a homework which had to be submitted within a week or so. No time to do research.

However, whatever comes around, goes around. I finished the class thanks to my friend. Really, if you were not there, my record will already dead. November also my first day to study together with Thai students. Well, no comment about them so far. But it really takes me back to my undergrad days.

I ended this month by going to Arashiyama. I went up to (I forgot the name of the hill), and then went down and followed the river. I didn't have the chance to visit the monkeys since I went there way too late. I should've take the first train instead. However, it was a great fun. Walking alone along the beautiful river is just so me!

Finally, November ended and there we start December. The first thing I did in December was registering for a sim card for my phone. That friend of mine is really a help! Really thankful I meet her. Thereafter, I registered myself for Arashiyama exploration. The participant has task to capture photos or videos of the surrounding area. We will walk alone again but this time it is freezing cold. Damn it! However, we got 8000 yen! After that I plan to visit Rohm Illumination. I will tell about this in the next post.

The second week in December I went to Kobe Luminarie. It was damn crowded! Jesus Christ. It was beautiful indeed, but I think I would like to go there about once or twice in 5 years and I think it will be enough to keep the excitement. I also met a Japanese girl in a church in Kobe who currently learning my language and had come to my country multiple times. Very nice and unique experience to meet foreigner who can speak my language.

Ok. That's all for now. I will post about my first Winter next month.

Do You Know?

It has been almost two years since then. A point where I start constantly thinking about killing myself in one way or another. I just wanted to end it no matter what. The loneliness that lingers. Scared to talk to others about my problem as I can't find anyone I can trust. Not even my best friend. 

I can't blame her for what happened to me since it is all in my mind but still. How can you overcome loneliness? No matter where I am, this thing entails me wherever I go. Not that I have no friends. I just have nobody that I can trust fully anymore. Some things I just keep it inside, piled it up, afraid to be seen by others as they might judge instead of help.

In this place, somewhere which I can't even speak the language. I just can nod and smile. All these times, I only see people with themselves. How can they live like that? How can they overcome this thing that haunts me? Somebody. Can you listen another little voice whenever I tried to talk to you? Can you feel my feet trembles begging for your attention. Or can you hear me crying out for anyone just to give me a warm hug and just be there?

Why I become like this. 

It a good day like this. Which I suppose to enjoy. Things that I have with all my sacrifices don't even make me happy. Why do I feel so empty. Am I missing something? I'm afraid about what will happen after I graduate. Not that I don't want to work, but is it a right decision? Sure to continue is the easiest way to do. But is this what I really want? Or I just losing my mind a little each day?

Just what am I supposed to do?!

M1 Student First Month Report

I started my master study earlier this month. Our lab got one student from my country who were an intern last year and next year there might be another two coming if their scholarship got accepted. So far everything goes well enough. The temperature is dropping in the evening and I could easily feel cold in the early morning. The sun still shines, but the breeze is crazy cold.

This month also the month of minimum expense. I already calculated everything and it turned out that I only spent around 35K yen this month. There were nothing much to tell this month though. All I have are classes and lab. Not much time to go anywhere else, or rather I lost my will to go anywhere since my research produces weird result. Hhhh~

On the third week this month, from Saturday and Sunday there were no internet and electricity. It was an annual thing to do here I heard. So rather than doing nothing, I spend my Saturday cycling to Byodoin. The temple you can see on the back of 10 yen coin.

Since I got my new bike I have much confidence to go further and further I don't know why. It just feel safe and somehow satisfying. The distance from my campus is ~30Km, so it was around ~60Km round-trip. However, on that day, my knee hurt so bad. It was like stinging from the inside.

I think this one is because I haven't fully recovered from the 50Km trip last month. I can hardly move my right leg and I can't walk up-down the stairs. So because the pain is too intense and I feel this is something I can't ignore, I went to my campus health center. They gave me a patch to reduce the pain. This time I won't go cycling for a month or so.

As for my paper, nope. I won't submit it this year. The result is too weird.

That's all. Ah, and the leaves color started to change. Welcome autumn.

Sixth Month in Japan [Still Alive]

Time of that GreenDay song again. [Wake Me Up When September Ends...]

So this in my last month of being a research student. Somehow I regret my decision to enroll in mater studies this October. I really want to wander around and enjoy the foliage! I just realized this in the beginning of this month. I hope I still have some spare time during my first and second month of master course to go to Kyoto and around here. AAAAAAAAA!!!

Also earlier this month the sensei(s) is mostly gone to the conference including big boss. I am not sure but, for a week, the lab is very relaxing and really I made progress really fast. As for the M1 students, they have to prepare the presentation for the summer camp that will be held by 15-16 this month.

There was a typhoon too. They said it was the strongest for the last 25 years. The wind speed reached 200kph at that time it passes my campus. Osaka was really devastated, the Kansai airport was even closed. The sensei(s) who are scheduled to came back last week were rescheduled to yesterday (Sunday) to Narita and go to Kansai area by shinkansen.

Also my supervisor already told me to submit a paper to a conference in UK next year. The deadline is by the end of October. Damn... But it is UK dude! I hope it will be accepted. I'm not sure about this, but somehow I can feel that the real me finally back from his slump.

This week I also think about my plan to continue to PhD. I don't know whether I need it or not, but I received an email about Switz Govt. Scholarship. The stipend amount is crazy but I haven't calculated all to the details. BUT IT IS SWITZ! I'm looking forward for it! Oh please let me see those glorious hills, lakes, and mountains.

On 15-16 this month I had my first summer camp. It is just a progress report but outside campus. Well, with drinking party and BBQ. It was 70% boring since mostly we only have to listen to the presentation made by the other students. But nonetheless, I enjoyed the trip. Next time I'll make sure to bring enough water to survive.

So basically I spent the last week of this month doing crazy things. First off, the Uda-city cycling tour was NOT 24km, but rather 48km in total. We had free foods though, but really, the climb was crazy. We were guided by 3 pro-cyclist. I joined the fast group because I didn't want to get sunburn. However, due to my lack of stamina, I can't keep up with them in the uphill. I got off from my bike and just walked. Fuck it! But the descend was so much fun! Never in my life I rode a road like that. It was surrounded by trees, slippery asphalt, and it was like several kilometers long! That will be the most memorable thing in my life.

Two days later, I had to pick up my bike from Osaka. Yes, I had to go uphill again. The distance is not actually that far, only 24-ish km, but that day was rainy all day long. I waited for the rain to stop but after 3 hours waiting, I think I couldn't arrive in campus before 7, so I just went away in 15 degrees Celcius heavy downpour. Damn!

The last thing is the my research. As I know form the start that the beginning of M1 will be hellish, I'd prefer not to slack off any longer. I collected EEG from 10 people this week and today I will compile the data so that I can start writing my paper sooner.

I hope everything will be fine.

Fall 2018 Anime List

Shorts

1. Sono Toki, Kanojo wa
2. Shuudengo, Capsule Hotel de, Joushi ni Binetsu Utawaru Yoru.
3. Okoshiyasu, Chitose-chan
4. Jingai-san no Yome
5. Himote House
6. Ani ni Tsukeru Kusuri wa Nai! 2
7. Hora, Mimi ga Mieteru yo!

Series

1. Yagate Kimi ni Naru
2. Uchi no Maid ga Uzasugiru
3. Tonari no Kyuuketsuki-san
4. Tokyo Ghoul:re 2
5. Toaru Majutsu no Index III
6. Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken.
7. Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl-senpai no Yume wo Minai
8. Ore ga Suki nano wa Imouto dakedo Imouto ja Nai
9. Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet
10. Irozuku Sekai no Ashita kara
11. Gaikotsu Shotenin Honda-san
12. Beelzebub-jou no Okinimesu mama.
13. Jingai-san no Yome
14. Sora to Umi no Aida
15. Himote House
16. Sono Toki, Kanojo wa.
17. Shuudengo, Capsule Hotel de, Joushi ni Binetsu Tsutawaru Yoru.
18. Okoshiyasu, Chitose-chan

Fifth month in Japan

Welcome August, the second month of summer. Things are going pretty well so far. Summer in Japan is associated with festivals and of course fireworks. However, as the weather is hot, I lost all my desire to go to any places out there. My seniors told me to enjoy this summer as much as possible before the class started in October, but no. I can't enjoy things this way.

Ahh, alright, where should I begin...
Nothing much happened in my research, I tried my best to push my sluggish brain do it faster. So far there are not much improvement. Just do whatever I can.

Typhoons! Yeah...
Summer in Japan is also related with typhoons. Some places got hit hard this year such as Hiroshima and places around there. My friends who live near the area sent pictures of floods and landslides. As for Nara, this place is nicer when there was typhoon. Only strong winds and nice cloudy weather. The bright side? Lower temperature. Usually, during summer, the temperature can reach 33 to 35. But whenever a typhoon is coming, 2 days prior to the typhoon, the temperature could go as low as 27 which is very nice with cloudy sky.

I went to Kobe for Hanabi on 4th August. My friend from my country is currently learning Japanese in Kobe, so we promised to see each other. It took around 2 hours to get to my friend's place and we went to Motomachi from there. I stayed a night at her friend's room. We cooked curry that night and unfortunately bought a wrong meat. Her friend can't eat pork so I gave that meat to another. During my way back she tagged long with me to Amagasaki for an English mass. It was a small church but with AC!!! Finally!!! I planned to ask her to pay for the meat, but I decided to ask her to give the money to the church. What happened next is when I was heading back, one of the church members came and asked us to join a birthday + farewell party of their Philippines fellow. They served spaghetti and rice. Oh well,.. God gave my money back this way.

On August 6th afternoon I got a task to buy ingredients for Prof's birthday party. I with Aini, one of intern students went to Aeon. We missed the last bus so we walked back to our dorm at 9 PM. The next day I didn't come to the lab but work on my things from my room. In the afternoon I went to the lab to distribute the things. On Wednesday, I completed my work and tested it with my supervisor. One task done. A good thing achieved during this crazy week. He also asked me to go for ramen next week. I don't know if he will remember it. He showed me several photos of Hanabi from his father-in-law apartment. It was much much beautiful than what I saw in Kobe. Damn! ...

4th August was my Prof birthday. This year, our lab celebrated it on 9th August somehow. He turned 60 this year which according to Japanese beliefs, it marks one full cycle of a person's life. That means that my professor revert back into a baby once again. LOL. The party was great. The next day, I woke up at 11 AM and went to the lab for cleaning duty. It was quick. My PhD senior asked me and several other students to go to karaoke. Honestly, I never been that interested for these kind of invitations so I never go to karaoke until that day. I had refused his offer several times before, but this time I joined them. Let me tell you one thing. I don't regret my decision.

After the karaoke we went to ramen restaurant. No, I don't like the taste that much, but still edible. Ah, whatever. It is who you eat your food with that matters the most. I spent 2000 yen for our lab party, 1200 yen for the karaoke, and 900 yen for the ramen. Ok. Enough spending this month. As from today to 15th August Japanese are having Obon holiday to give chances for people to go back to their hometown and pay respect for their passed-away family members, I think the lab will be empty. Time to be productive and save my room electricity bill. Hahaha...

So as for the interns, they are returned to their country in August 24th and 29th. Because of that, we had a farewell party together with one of my senior who just graduated. He is in Melbourne right now together with his GF. Damn, why they can maintain LDR... (cries in the corner)

That's my first August and also, time really flies. It is already my 5th month here...

Fourth Month in Japan [My First Summer]

July, 2018
This month began with heavy rains and strong winds which indicates the summer is coming. Whenever I saw how many people said that summer in Japan is really hot, I was always thinking that they were exaggerating since I spent 24 years in tropical area. But now that I am here, the temperature easily reaches 42 degree Celsius at 2 PM. In some areas like Fukuoka, it was 46 degree Celsius two days ago. Believe me, this is just the beginning. Next month, the weather will be much hotter than this month. But no worries, I still have lab to save myself and be a little more productive.

This month was crazy. After the big-boss scolded me last month, I lost all my confidence to face the entrance exam on 14th. I mean, all lab members even know that I was under pressure. Some of the gave me advice and told me some FAQ during the interview. They told me to just relax. No, I couldn't.

In the examination day, I went to the lab early (around 7 or so), and did my research a little bit until the time. There were 2 sessions, math presentation session and research proposal interview session. The math was easy I should say, but because I was so nervous, I could finish nothing in time. I became more and more nervous. I felt like I'm a failure and nothing I can do now but to accept my fate as a failure. During the second session, the questions were mostly about my past topic. Big-boss was also there but he didn't ask much. I think he even already gave the score before I came into the room.

After all of those, I went back to the lab, took the EEG recording 'chamber' key and locked myself until afternoon. I have reached the point where I can't stand to think about it anymore. I prayed to God and continue working on my experiment to distract myself.

Almost all the people I consulted with came asking how was the exam. I answered them with the same answer 'Not good. I don't think they will let me pass.'. Even the lab secretary came by herself just to ask how was the exam. It was like that almost everyday until the result announced. My number is there. It was miracle. I thank God for that.

Okay. That's all from this month.

Third Month in Japan

Okay, this is a bit too early. But there are so many things happened and I just can't hold it up anymore. So, where should I begin...

There are 2 interns from my country came into the lab for the next three months. One is in her last semester of master degree, and the other one is still in her third year of college. Nothing much I can tell about them but they brought snacks, sweet soy sauce, and chili sauces. I really appreciate the sweet soy sauce. Now I can cook properly.

One of them were asking to go shopping for groceries but didn't know the way, so I accompany her to Aeon because I also had things to buy. I borrowed my female Vietnamese friend's bike for her. On the way back from there, she stopped midway and I waited for several minutes. It was strange that she should not be too far behind, so I went back only to find her squatting on the roadside. She needed to poo (lol). So I took her to my dorm and let her do her things in the guest toilet on the first floor.

While she was in the toilet, I went to pick our bike that we left. I took my bike first and park it. When I was about to took her bike, my bike fell and the cherry tomatoes scattered out. Right after that, a car came and I lost my lamp, and half of the tomatoes.

Speaking about my research, my sensei was asking me to write a paper for next month which is impossible because during the first month I just changed the topic, the first two weeks of the second month I learn linux and the GPU cluster in our lab. Then I learnt about the project built by my senior. The code itself is neat, but I always have difficulties is continuing someone else's work. That's why until the early of the third month I can only report that I only tried several things. Not much, and it doesn't mean I can meddle in his code too much.

And then, things got worse. My slippers snapped, I spent 10k yen as deposit money for a new bike that I'm still uncertain if I can use it well (or have time to use it). My prof told my sensei that my performance is bad and if I could not give any result in the next meeting, then I can't get into the master degree this year which means I will have to wait another year or change school. WHICH I DON'T WANT TO! NEVER!

The standards sure is high. They are used to pick only interns who can produce paper within 3 months. Yes. you read it right. Fuckin' 3 months. I don't even know how they do it. There must be something that I'm missing.

God, if you read this, please forgive me. I'm just a sinner. I need your help going through all these. I don't want to go home as loser or have to change school (too much hassle). I just want to get accepted to the degree, do a good research, and then graduated. That's all for now. I can't do it on my own. I need help.

Second Month in Japan

Ah, yes this is my second post here. Hemm, not really. Nah, I don't care. Not so much happening up until now, so, basically nothing much happened. Okay, let's begin from May.

So the first week of May is called Golden week, and I spent my precious holiday to clean up the bike and fine tune everything. The rear tire is damn worn but usable though so I don't want to change it yet. The chain is all rusty, oiled it up, used it for several days, and degrease the drivetrain completely. One thing that I messed up with is the front derailleur. Tighten the screw too much and ended up breaking it in half. I tried to remove the other half but had no luck doing that. My solution is just using zip ties from Daiso. It was dirt cheap and works well. The next thing is to change the front derailleur shifter cable because it is old and broke easily while getting tightened. It costed me about 800 yen.

The nest thing I accidentally did was going to Nara Park by bike. Honestly speaking, the original plan was going to aeon to get my rear tire fixed because it didn't spin freely. I went to the aeon and in the middle of the way I realized that the problem just fixed. so I took my bike further to reassure myself. Suddenly I realized that I am already near Nara Park, and just went there unplanned. I only wore my training pants and a simple T-shirt.

In the way back, I went a little bit further in order to find the most flat terrain possible because I was a little bit tired and need to conserve as much energy as possible. But I got lost in the middle of residential area. I prayed for that I could go back to the dorm before it gets too dark. And I finally entered my room around 7.30PM.

In total, it took me around 1.5 hours from campus to the Nara Park, and around 2.5 hours to go back including finding my way back. The total trip I took was ~32KM and I was really surprised to see the number. Seriously I never went with bike anywhere that far. But my city has so much nature and I like to enjoy it on my bike.

The next week I went to Osaka to find a new pair of shoes because I have no idea how to find a shoe my size in Japan. My feet size is 29.5 while in Japan, the biggest size shoes sized 28 at most. Finally got one around 8000 yen. Well, I hope this last for a long time. I wish I can find a pair of crocs my size for summer and rainy seasons.

In the last week of May I tried to go to Yatadera to see hydrangeas in the end of the month. It was a steep downhill on the way there and my rear tire hit a sharp edged road block, got a snake bite, and bent my rear rim. My bike is still using a V-brake system, so the rear brake is still useable but not that good anymore. The worst thing was I had to walk around 11KM from the point I got the flat.

Ok. That's it from last month...

Summer 2018 Anime List

Actually it isn't summer yet. Yes it was actually warmer a few weeks ago, but in June, it is a rainy season followed by damp and hot summer. [cicadas sound]

1. Yuragi-sou no Yuuna-san
2. Grand Blue
3. Isekai Maou to Shoukan Shoujo no Dorei Majutsu
4. Shichisei no Subaru
5. Satsuriku no Tenshi
6. Joshi Ochi!!: 2-kai kara Ero Musume ga Futte kite, Ore no Areni!
7. Tsukumogami Kashimasu
8. Sunohara-sou no Kanrinin-san
9. Happy Sugar Life
10. Jashin-chan Dropkick
11. Kyoto Teramachi Sanjou no Holmes
12. Hataraku Saibou
13. High Score Girl
14. Asobi Asobase
15. One Room second season
16. Hataraku Onii-san No. 2
17. Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro
18. Steins;Gate 0
19. Akkun to Kanojo
20. Ani ni Tsukeru Kusuri wa Nai! 2

Ah alright, I wanna keep this short for convenience. Bye for now. I will write about my second month in Japan soon. See ya.

First Month in Japan

So this will be my first story about living in Japan as a research student based on my one month experience. Oh, what should I write again...

Umm, let's start with the first day. I arrived in Japan on April 2nd, 2018 at 8.30 A.M. I was hoping that the queue doesn't too long an there is no luggage checking or whatsoever. Alas, by the time I arrived at the immigration, the room is packed with people from previous flights. Crazy.

Unsurprisingly I got out after receiving my residence card around 11 P.M. Then I got out from the airport to wait for the bus. The ticket was JPY 2050. It is cheaper to go by train, but regarding my 2x23 carry-ons, it is better to spend JPY1000 more.

The bus arrived at 11.40. It was on-time. So Japanese, right? I told the crew to stop at Gakken-Nara-Tomigaoka. But I don't know why either my mouth mispelled 'gakken' as 'gakuen', or the crew misheard me, when I arrived at a big station, the driver told me that this is my destination but I can't find my tutor anywhere.

I went to Starbucks led by a Japanese stranger for a free wifi. I told my tutor that I have arrived, but he said that I got off at the wrong stop. I should get off at the next station. Finally, he picked me up but I missed the orientation from the campus. Luckily, the international office staff told me the main points of the orientation in just 30 mins.

After the orientation, I went to see my room and put my luggage. The dorm has no lift, and imagine that I have to bring the refrigerator to the 5th floor. If not for my lab-mates (seniors), I might hurt my back already. Ah, speaking of the lab, there are 4 PhD seniors from my country, 2 Chinese, 4 Vietnamese, and 2 German.

In the first month I spent around JPY 81K to buy essential things, the priciest things were IH stove and rice cooker. For foods, I spend around JPY 3K~5K per week and this seems to be a good amount, maybe I can save up a little more if I can find cheaper store. I got third-hand bike from my senior who is going to be graduated from PhD this September. Nice bike with worn rear tire and rusty chain. A lot of work to do to spend the Golden Week holiday. As for sightseeing, I only went to yoshino-yama with lab fellows. Nowhere else. The terrain here is harsh and no way for me to go there unless I push my bike along. 

So, yeah. That sums up my first month here.

MEXT Scholarship Journey [Finale]

Finally, we get to the last part of the journey. Waiting for the itinerary and flying to the land of the rising sun. Nothing much happened but a lot of packing and online shopping spree! Stocked vitamins and supplements for 2 years ahead. Hahahaha...

Facebook Group

Those who passed the secondary screening will be invited to join the MEXT Scholarship FB Group of that year. (You will not find anyone from the previous batch or another program). There they will announce about the pledge, visa, and ticket.
Itinerary, February 12th
Yes, they issue the itinerary first. This is not the e-ticket as it will be given later in March. But actually, it is better because we can find the information about the airline we will be using and start packing according to the rules of each airline. Also, we can give confirmation to the campus that we, for example in my case, need another orientation because we arrived later than the designated date.

Pledge, February 13th

This is some kind of documents that you need to sign and send to the embassy stating that you will respect the rules of Japan and will not do anything against the law during the scholarship. The deadline was on March 12th.

Visa Application, February 23rd

Actually, I can take care of this while in my city, but I am planning to go for the farewell party held in the embassy on March 12, so I just went there and submit my visa application after the party. I got my visa on March 16th.

Farewell Party, March 12th

It started with an orientation given by 3 seniors of MEXT scholarship recipients from early 2000 maybe? I don't remember clearly about the details. They gave information such as what to do as a research student and how to behave in Japan in general. The ceremony then started with a speech from the ambassador and closed with a photo session and lunch.

Ticket, March 19th

We got our e-ticket sent to our email for April 1st departure. Lucky for us that it was not an April mop prank.

Departure, April 1st

Ah, okay. The flight took a total of 9 hours because of transit. Nothing much happened here. Just sat and wait and watching free movies...

Arrival, April 2nd

Yeah, we arrived safely at 8.30 AM and guess what, the immigration took a 2 and a half hour! The next bus to Ikoma was at 11.40, wrongly pronounced the destination name from 'Gakken' to 'Gakuen' which leads to a wrong stop. I went to Starbucks nearby led by a stranger and contacted my tutor to pick me up. The stations are 30 minutes far, so we went to the campus like crazy because I missed the orientation already.

Ah, I will continue my one-week life story in the dorm in the next post. じゃ、また

Spring 2018 Anime List

Ah, alright. Enough with the scholarship. I will continue about the flight and preparation before my departure later. For now, this is my anime list this season.

1. Darling in The FranXX
2. Tokyo Ghoul:re
3. High School DxD Hero
4. Steins;Gate 0
5. Beatless
6. Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii
7. Jikken-hin Kazoku
8. Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai
9. 3D Kanojo: Real Girl
10. Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan 2nd Season
11. Hinamatsuri
12. Akkun to Kanojo
13. Tachibana-kan to Lie Angle
14. Piano no Mori
15. Alice or Alice
16. Comic Girls
17. Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi [good one]
18. Nil Admirari no Tenbin
19. Amai Choubatsu: Watashi wa Kanshu Senyou Pet
20. Amanchu! Advance
21. Butlers: Chitose Momotose Monogatari
22. Mahou Shoujo Ore
23. Fumikiri Jikan
24. Kuroneko Monroe
25. Usagi no Mathew

Movies:

1. Fate/Stay Night: Heaven's Feel I. Presage Flower
2. Seitokai Yakuindomo Movie
3. Kimi no Koe wo Todoketai
4. Gochuumon wa Usagi Desu ka?? Dear My Sister
5. Detective Conan Movie 22: Zero no Shikkounin

OVAs:

1. ReLIFE: Kanketsu-hen
2. Boku no Kanojo ga Majimesugiru Sho-bitch na Ken OVA
3. Yuru Camp△ Special

MEXT Scholarship Journey [part.5]

Submitting Documents for Secondary Screening

Post Primary Screening Documents

The documents were the same with the one submitted before but with the LoA and Health Certificate. All these documents should be submitted by August 18 with an exception for LoA and Placement Preference Form which could be submitted until September 22.

1. Application Form [1 original; 2 copies]
2. Placement Preference and LoA [1 original; 1 copy]
3. Field of Study and Study Plan [1 original; 2 copies]
4. Transcript [2 originals; 1 copy]
5. Diploma [2 originals; 1 copy]
6. Recommendation Letter from Previous University [2 originals; 1 copy]
7. Health Certificate [2 originals; 1 copy]
8. Previous Thesis and Publication Abstract [2 originals; 1 copy]
9. Recommendation Letter from Current Workplace (if currently employed) [2 originals; 1 copy]
10. Language Certificate (TOEFL, IELTS, JLPT) [3 copies]

As for the health certificate, we need to go to nearest clinic or hospital which could examine us as requested by the form. The form itself needs to be stamped and/or signed by the clinic or hospital and then copied.

The Health Examination Form

After that just simply submit those documents to the embassy. If you have received your LoA, then you're done, otherwise, you have to go there again to submit placement form and the LoA.

LoA Request

There are not much I can tell you in this section. I just simply had the interview months ago and after the Prof said OK, everything is just between me and the International Student Affair Section.

Email to Profs/Student Affair

Nothing much too here, I just asked the International Affair what to send and give it to them by email. They asked for those documents stamped by the embassy stating that I have passed the primary screening. I scanned those and sent it via email. Please remember that this is different each university. I have heard some cases where some universities or professors only accept hard copy. So, make sure you give what they want correctly and delivered to them on time. Most universities only accept requests before the end of August. This is a problem if you have to send them the hard copy. So prepare long time before.

Receiving the LoA

The documents sent by the university by August 28 and received by September 2. I submitted the documents a week later and then went back to my parent's home.

First ever LoA!!!

The Long Long Wait [Secondary Screening]

I resigned from my job and went back to my parent's home in mid September. Started learning Japanese intensively until December and from January I took a break and began to prepare for entrance exam.

Spoiled Surprise

In the end of November, my campus told me that they saw my name in accepted MEXT applicant list. They were happily congratulated me via email. The official one was yet announced by the embassy until December 28. That's all. It is over. I got the scholarship!

Thanks God. If this is Your way, please show me what You want me to do. 

MEXT Scholarship Journey [part.4]

The Interview, July 21st

The interview itself separated into 4 days and all of them began at 9 AM or 9.30. I think it is based on their field of study. I got the last day.

To be honest, this is the second most worrisome part of the primary screening. I am so afraid if they asked me about "Why Japan?" because I can only answer with "I want to study in Japan with this scholarship and somehow got accepted by this Prof in this Uni.". Not a good answer.

From the experiences of those who passed this step, there will 4 people in the room. 2 Japaneses and 2 locals. If you can't speak Japanese, at least show a little Japanese interview manner and introduce a bit about yourself; Name, city of origin, where you studied/work, age, hobby, etc. because the Japanese will ask this for sure: "日本語を話せますか？"  and it is a good point if you can demonstrate that you, at least, has began to prepare for living in Japan.

The Preparation

I practiced to speak with confidence, read several resources on the internet of people who failed at this step, and try to figure out how to avoid those question as much as possible. In other words, don't give misleading answers. I can't speak much about this step. Because I don't really know what I did. I just googled people's experience from all around the world from time to time. That's all.

The Waiting Room 1

I met my one friend who I met during the written exam there together with the other 7 people. We entered the same hall used for written test. This time, the tables were mostly gone, enough for about 20 people. The lady form the education who served our questions and took care our documents
were there announcing what should we do if we passed the interview while giving out A3 sized application form and one health examination form which should be submitted back in case we passed this step. (Hopefully!)

They called 3 people at once upstairs, guided by one embassy lady. I with 2 people was called at the last batch. The remaining, while waiting anxiously for the first batch returned with some info asked several questions regarding the scholarship and the probability to pass until things about departure and luggage capacity. Well, there were quite a lot and I can't write them all here. But for me the thing at the moment is to relax and let everything flows. One girl there was going to get married in the following year before departure, but why? I didn't ask anything personal. Another serious looking girl graduated from US. Then my friend graduated from Korea. Jesus! I'm nothing compared to them.

Then the second batch called followed by the return of the first batch. I asked them what happened up there. Well, they said the interviewer somewhat in a hurry. Oh well, it was Friday. Why the hurry? So they can have lunch on time I guess. Lol. If they are in hurry, the questions should be quick answerable and straight to the point. Surprisingly enough it put my mind a bit of ease.

The Waiting Room 2

Finally my name and 2 other called upstairs after the two from the previous batch returned. All of them reported the same. The interviewer were in hurry. Alright. But none of them been asked about their research in detail. There I met one person who studied Math and going to research about a formula i don't know what. I don't understand a thing. But good for him.

The Interview Room

It's my turn. The person who checked the name softly whispered "Nervous?", "Yeah" I said. She told me to knock first and wait to be permitted in before opening the door.

First, I bowed to three of them, there were 2 local interviewers and 1 Japanese. The next was as expected, the Japanese asked me whether I can speak Japanese or not. I'm glad I prepared a bit for this one. I felt a bit uneasy because during the rest of the interview he just read my documents back and forth and finally asked me one last question if my former employer agreed with me resigning for the scholarship.

The two local interviewers were a man and a woman. The man was from national research institute and the woman was an expert in some fields [told but literally forget], and she has been invited numerous time before to interview the scholarship candidates.
The questions were around these, I don't know the order and also can't remember everything:

• Why apply this scholarship?
• What contribution would you like to give using this scholarship?
• Why choose Japan over other countries?
• How you handle your stress?
• Can you cook?
• You are not from this city. Do you live alone? How long?
• What do you want to achieve in your research?
• Do you apply for another scholarship?
• What would you do if you don't get the scholarship?
• I know your thesis supervisor. He is a reputable researcher, why don't you continue with him?

Well, I think that's all I could remember. [I can't give all the detailed and personal questions though.]. After that, they called the last 2 people and then we go back downstairs and go home hoping everyone passed the interview. Ah, and yes. The interview was somewhat really hurried. One person took around 15 minutes or so.

The Waiting

During this waiting time, the applicants have to prepare the health certificate and that A3 sized application form has to be filled handwritten along with other original and copy of the documents that we had submit in the document screening. They only gave us 1 original form for each. So that if we make any mistakes, it is better if it is not written by pen. The solution of this is to copy those documents and practice filling it because you can't edit the columns. You need to adjust your font size to fit those tiny columns and well, some columns are allowed to be filled in separate papers (especially when your publication is a lot).

The Interview Result, July 25

The email from the embassy come to my email inbox around 5PM. Opened it and there written my registration number along with the other 29 succeeded applicants. Yosh! Thanks God for all these things. Next one is the LoA request and submitting all the documents again to the embassy. This time, with the LoA and health certificate.

Health Certificate Form

The supporting documents for LoA request was given by July 28. The documents were the stamped copy of the previous documents submitted at the document screening. These are needed by universities to issue your LoA. They also gave one document stating that you have passed the primary screening by the embassy. It will look like this:

[Cont. to part.5] ...

MEXT Scholarship Journey [part.3]

The Waiting [part.1]

The document screening part is the most dangerous part of all the screening process. The first gate and also the cruelest part. This part pruned thousands of applicants to just several hundred people from my country, especially mine. I don't know about you guys, but in my case the education section employee in the embassy told me that if the documents are correctly printed and served accordingly to the rules which are clearly written on the website, everything should be okay. I have no more questions. Before I left the room "'Till we meet again" I told her. Smiled she replied "Good luck".

Document Screening Result, June 8th

Let God do the magic. There were 165 people who passed the document screening. I saw my name on the list. Never thought this could happen. Can't believe my eyes that my number showed up. I screamed with joy in my room. So the next step is the written test.

Written Test

The written test consists of 2 tests which you will have to take, Japanese and English, based on which certificate you gave in the language proficiency documents. If you gave JLPT certificate (min. N2),  you have to do the Japanese exam, but if you gave TOEFL, you will only have to do the English test. For example, if you gave TOEFL certificate, you will do the English exam and during the Japanese exam, you just have to sit, write your name and ID, and wait 'till the exam ends. So boring.
But wait, there's more! Even if you do both, only the highest score will be taken into consideration. So if you are good in both English and Japanese, you can do both even you gave either only TOEFL or JLPT. Although Japanese language proficiency is not a problem until here, the ability to communicate in Japanese will give you better opportunity to 'befriend' the Japanese interviewer and of course it will beneficial in the long run during and after your study in Japan.

The Preparation

I gave the TOEFL iBT certificate from last year, so I simply only have to take the English test. Nothing much prepared for this step, I simply used my time to browse for all possible labs and professors. The only preparation was collecting the previous years exams and do it within the time frame as good as I could. There's nothing much to do after the document screening, just pass the written exam and then get the LoA.

The Exam, June 15th

It started in the morning in the embassy so people from other cities have to come a day before. No need to dress up, I just simply wore my Polo shirt with jeans and thin grey jacket. I arrived at the embassy 45 minutes before the exam started. It began at 8 AM but actually 30 minutes before, the re-registration has begun, so please don't be late.

I made a new friend there during queuing. He just graduated from Korea using their govt scholarship and now hoping to continue to PhD in Japan. [Why so much PhD pursuers around me, huh?].

My cousin told me that her friend was there taking the exam too and asked me to take a photo of him. She told me that he will sit beside me. So I came into the room and sat beside a boy. I simply took a picture of him and sent it to my cousin. "It is the wrong person!" she replied. "He sat beside me" I replied. Then all of the sudden I realized, that I have 2 sides, left and right. She didn't mention which side! So then I made my 3rd and 4th friend. Sadly, the one I took the wrong picture of didn't make it further.

This year, the English exam took the first round. During the exam, I looked around me and heard some people who gave N1 certificates, and some of them graduated from overseas like my new friend did. Oh God, I feel so small and insignificant... We exchanged contacts after the exam in case of emergency because one of them live in the other city which takes 2 hours by plane and the other one around an hour by train.

The Waiting [part.2]

This time, the waiting time was not so long like before. The result announced on June 23rd. There was no development on my pursue of the professors, I can't find anymore which matches my topic. Sad.

Written Test Result, June 23rd

"Congrats!" said my cousin. She got the information from her friend that my number was on the list of those who passed he written exam. Actually I was not so worried about this, but why did I hadn't receive any email? I can't believe until now that I was so stupid waiting for the email. It announced on the embassy's website!! Damn. Yeah, confirmed kill. 57 people made it.

The next one is the interview. I'll continue it in the part 4...

MEXT Scholarship Journey [part.2]

The first 3 months of my employment days were hellish. Being introduced to the undocumented company's framework. (C'mon, dude!) But in the end, the director called me and he told me to do research about image filtering and classification. Using this opportunity to deepen my knowledge about deep learning which I never had a chance to, I applied simple ConvNet to do image classification for SmartCity photo reports. In October 2016 my project is ready to be implemented and I want to touch another plaything, RNN. But I remembered my mission. The scholarship. I decided to focus on MEXT.

Document Preparation and Failed Attempts

I went to the Japanese Embassy several times months before the next online registration. Thanks to their information. I asked them not about how to win, but rather why so many failed in the document screening step. I will write about this later. This thing might be the difference for those asking the consulate generals and straight to the embassy itself. The information they gave is superb. Because they are the center of primary screening process who handles your documents from the entire country.

My aunt still told me to come to German, but coming there is not free and I don't want to be indebted to anyone. So I refused the offer kindly but keep it in my head as the last resort if I don't pass this MEXT scholarship. I started to dig out recent papers and recent research about deep learning in Japan. No good result. I was too focused on prosthetic and deep learning but I can't go there because it requires nerve surgery and the sample will be hard to find.

Brain-Computer Interface is also not easy to develop. I found one in German, but the course is not in English, so yeah, bye... Then my research partner came and told me that she would go for speech-text transcription or some sort... There I thought once again if I could get a scholarship with my own topic.

In my first attempt, I contacted a professor in KyoDai but he didn't reply. I contacted a professor in KyuTech in January 2017 and he replied. In his email, he mentioned the total number of applicants of the program while offering a PGP scholarship. Little that I knew that it was prioritized for collaborating universities. I applied it and failed. I had no idea why that time. I have nowhere to go if  I stayed with my research topic, so I changed mine to speech-related one. The next one I tried to contact another professor in KyoDai, he replied but he mentioned that if I want to join his lab, pass the scholarship and the university entrance exam. Lastly, I contacted a professor in NAIST and he replied plus asked me to send my CV and academic transcript via email. Whoa!

Alright, so what's with the italic words? Those are samples of Japanese kind of refusal. If they mentioned something like the number of applicants, lab capacity, or have to pass something which we know that it is within impossible time and require too much effort or too costly, it means that they are softly refused us already.

March 2017. Letter of Recommendation Request, Research Proposal and Study Plan Writing 

As April comes near, I hurried back to my campus to meet my previous thesis and research supervisor. Meeting him was not an easy task. Barely meet him in the lab. He had been so busy with teaching and seminars. So I asked his assistant who was the hero during my research. He used his budget for us to go to a conference in Japan. May God bless you far more than my gratitude, sir. He told me to put the request with a memo on his desk, and several days later my supervisor told me that the letter was ready to be taken. The recommendation letter is easy, no need to use university header or some sort. Just have your supervisor answer the questions and sign at the bottom. Last but not least, have it stamped by the university. The same goes for my employer, but this one is easier to meet and he was so supportive. No hassle.

So, recommendation letters are done. Now about the Research Proposal and Study Plan. I used several sources from those who passed the same scholarship and got big help from my cousin who currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Hiroshima Univ. in checking my proposal, email to profs, and study plan. I am bad at words honestly. For the research proposal, my previous supervisor assistant helped me with the content writing, the flow and how to make it concise. Thanks to him I could write my proposal better. Really, when he said to make the purpose clearer, my head spun and I had a slight fever for several hours.

For the study plan, I wrote my entire study plan including a timetable, in the end, to make it colorful and easy to comprehend. Everyone likes pictures, no? It looks somewhat like this:

Study Plan Timeline Example

There are some explanations before the timeline, but at least the reader will find it easier rather than reading the texts, right?

April 2017. Online Registration for MEXT Scholarship 

Even I have prepared the documents needed, the application form wasn't available until the online registration opened. Just fill it and don't miss any column. The important point here is your photo should be glued to the application form. Don't print it together with the form. Use photo paper if you are going to print it yourself and make sure it's size is as requested. Put your name and nationality on the back of the photo. The registration opened and the deadline was in 2 weeks. The hardest part of this scholarship is the document screening which you will have to go through twice!

I just want to point out several things here:

1. Just follow the instruction given on the website. If you have any questions, ask the embassy. You may either come or call them.
2. The photos should be original for all the copies. Even it said 1 original form and 4 copies of the original, the photos glued on those 5 forms should be original. Don't stick it on the original form and then copy it 4 times. Don't even think to print it together with the application. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.
3. If you can type all the answers, type with Roman Capital letters. Use black color and follow the font.
4. Just write down any universities or labs you want to get in (no need to contact them yet at this point), you may change it later if you passed the interview. It would be nice if you have contacted them before the interview tho.
5. Use A4 sized papers. If you can't resize the copy of your transcript or diploma, please consult with the embassy. In some universities, their diploma is huge AF. Usually, the embassy staff will tell you to fold it to A4 size.
6. Put everything in order for each copy. The documents are 9-10 parts each with 4 copies, arrange them as instructed. Original[1-9/10], Copy[1-9/10] (1-4)
7. Don't staple the documents or put any hole.
8. Simply divide each copy with a clip. Original, Copy-1, Copy-2, Copy-3, copy-4

May 2017. Skype Interview and Application Submission

The next thing to do is continue finding your future professor if you haven't got any. In my case I only got one from NAIST. He was asking if I can do Skype interview. He asked me about my motivation and what I want to do about my research, the purpose, why choosing his lab, whether I understand what I wanna do, or just simply bluffing. You know what, I was sweating a lot from my neck to my lower back in 20C degree room. My shirt looked like someone who had run for half an hour. Luckily he didn't see that. LOL. That's all, he wished me good luck with the scholarship.

After those long and hard times, I planned to submit the application on the day before the deadline but it turned out that I'm late, so I submitted the documents on the D-Day. If you can give it directly to the embassy, great. Otherwise, you have to make sure the documents arrived at the embassy before the application submission closed.

My prayer this time: "If this is Your way, let it be. If it is not, let me fail on the first screening."

[Cont. to part.3]...

MEXT Scholarship Journey [part.1]

Ahh, Monbukagakusho scholarship, or MEXT in short is a scholarship given from Japanese Ministry of Culture, Education, and Sport for people who wants to continue their study in Japan. Yep. Only in Japan tho... My whole life changed since I failed the national entrance exam. I passed the second university but ended up not taking it due to my family's economy condition. So I took a private university which seem to be more expensive but offered tuition exemption for student mentors so it ended up cheaper.

(Not so) Brief introduction

It began when I was in the second semester of my undergraduate. The first long transition holiday from even to odd semester. Yay! 3 months holiday. No. I suddenly got bored after the first 1.5 months. During that time, I was browsing about scholarships and cool stories about those who studied abroad. But it seems like only a dream. A person like me, get a scholarship and graduate from overseas? Hahaha, who am I kidding. Despite all the thoughts, I kept reading those articles and found some full scholarships. One of them was MEXT. Honestly, I was thinking that this one must be hard to get since all who got the scholarship came from a prestigious national universities. The next problem is it seemed like the recipient should have enough Japanese language skill. I only watch animes. With english subs! Practically I listen to animes and watching the subs! Hahahahaha... Silly.

So what's so cool about Japan? The education of the graduate level. Although it is not comparable to those in the US yet. Their robotics is still good (Well, I actually know some good stuffs there like self-parking chair and recently they applied it to Ryokan as you can see from the video above), and of course, full scholarship! Hahahahaha... Well, my aunt in Bonn, invited me if I ever want to continue my study in Germany. Cool! But I have no money to go anywhere. I knew about DAAD, but I have no courage to go that far yet. Maybe in the future, but not too soon. I was not that serious during that time. But my mom told me that it would be such a blessing if I could ever go overseas to study since her friends children are doing so even since high school.

What happened then?

"Time flies" they said. I was in the 5th semester when I met this lecturer in Computer Vision class. He was an Erasmus Mundus scholarship recipient and actively doing research in his 'lab'. He told stories about his study and successfully poisoning my head with AI technologies. At the end of the semester, we have to choose either to take a year internship at a company or a year of research with classes and exams (ugh). But I didn't want to work first. My reason is simply because if I took the internship, I will have to live like an employee spending my precious youth from 8-5 with overtimes occasionally without being paid or paid with small amount of money. No. Hell no! This is exploitation.

Long story short, from February 2015, together with my research partner we decided to take a research theme under my Computer Vision and Expert System lecturer supervision in the following semester. In the same year, my campus held their first international conference and there we met a nice Japanese professor from Koganei University. He has similar research with us and using the same tools. It was nice talking to him and he invited us to his lab anytime we come to Japan. In the end of October our team won the second place of national IT contest in AI category. Our supervisor insisted us to write our research into a paper and published it. The paper finished and he gave us the journal to publish into. It failed. But he kept insisted, and in the following year, we successfully published a paper to an international conference in Japan. I think nature loves people with stubborn people.

There ends my college years. What about the scholarship? Yes, it was all in my head, but no time to do anything about it since I haven't gather much information about that. In April 2016 I started to work at a small company, it was a nice company. I told my employer about my plan to take a scholarship. He agreed with that and gave me his full support. Thanks sir! I know I was a crazy boy who ever worked in your company. Hope you never regret your decision.

[Cont. to part.2] ...

Sayonara 2017...

Hi, first of all Happy New Year 2018. Hope this finds you in good health and well being. 2017 have passed, so many things happened back then. Most of them are emotional. Mistrust induced betrayal which leads to heartache. 
Last year was full of pain. Focusing my ambition, dream, time, money, and even my feelings for someone who just left you in a blink. Changed her mind and attitude in a split-second. I realized it was not totally her fault. My mistakes played a big part there, but, are you really that simple? Well, we have different values afterall, and she might have grown bored of me. So then I have to learn how to be independent. Alone again, to put it sadly. I should never ever trust in anyone.
Ironically, I was an ignorant person back then in the school days. I always thought I could do it better alone from the start or just plan ahead, make some core works, make sure it is perfect and easily understood, and let the rest of the team do the finishing. That's how I am, and I have no idea if that is good or bad. Although in the end I find some flaws. I become more and more dependent to another to do the finishing while spending so much time planning and construct a perfect core. If the project's deadline is tight, I am sure it will be one messy thing and I will hate the result for sure.
As I become more and more dependent to this one lady back then. Maybe she overwhelmed too and 'exploded', But she was the best work partner I ever had. I will make sure to hire her if I am building my own company. Right now, that lady has become someone else's girl. I can only wish for good things, so I'd rather not to think about it. 
October 2016-February 2017 were hellish. The worst thing ever happened in my relationship with someone I loved. I was so slow, and really, I have no plan towards any commitment or such. Slowly, while denying my true feelings, I became more and more attached to her. She is still my greatest one. Honestly, I can't bring myself to hate her, neither can I love her any longer for what happened during that period. The pain still stings. Also, this period is where I got turned down by 2 profs and was in doubt whether to continue my study or cancel it. [Hope karma treats you well]. 
March 2017 things calmed down, but she is still going first to Kyoto. Leaving me behind. Well, no problem, because I had known what is going to happen there sooner or later. Best thing that time was I got my research topic and prospective Profs.
April 2017 was hectic as I am preparing the documents and such because the registration will be open shortly. But it was not until the end of the month. I got so many helps from people nearby and from far away.
May 2017 was the deadline of the application. I ended up putting my last hope in this one. Promised my parents that this is for a better future, but the main reason is to be with her. Earlier this month, I did a Skype interview with one of my prospective professor and it ended up great. It was my first time interviewed via internet too! I was so nervous as it will decide my future, I sweat from my back to hips. Luckily the could not see it. Haha...
June 2017. The first screening result announced. "Let me fail here if this is not Thy will. Otherwise, lead me through all the way from now on."I asked God that time right before opening the attachment in the email from embassy. He answered quietly by showing me my registration number on the list of 168 people who passed the first document screening out of thousands of applicants.
July 2017. The result of language screening announced. Passed one more time. I believe this is not my might, this is the power of my parents prayers. In the end of this month, the interview result was announced. I don't know what to say, but I passed. Praise the Lord.
August 2017, I lost contact with one of my prospective professor leaving me with one and only choice. Around this time, she told me that she was head over heels towards this one guy. She told me the story, but I can feel her excitement and joy from her story. See, this is it then. Truthfully, I can't let this go easily. The pain I feel, my feelings I keep inside, all my effort and plans, I have none of it anymore.
September 2017. My LoA arrived. After submitted it to the embassy, I arrange my schedule to go home and resign from my previous job to prepare my language.
October 2017-December 2017. Intensively learn a new language makes my head spin. My back were hurt due to prolonged studying period with the same pose. Around this period, she has started going out with another guy. The university told me they got the letter from the sponsor asking for confirmation that they will accept me as their student. They told me that it was a good omen. Lastly, the final official result announced. I am one of 31 students from my country who are going to receive the scholarship.

It ended up well. With all the bitter-sweet, tears, and sweat. It all paid off. "In order to get something better we have to learn to let go some good things". Those words hanged in the toilet of my old workplace. Everyday for one and a half year I saw the same words over and over again. But it is true.

I am happy overall. I can spend my last days here with my beloved and most precious people. I met my high school friends. I drank Dom Benedictine and Bailey's, those two are the best! I want to try Kahlua, Bali liquid Brem, and many more next time.

Then again, Thank you 2017.
Let it be my year of sorrows, pains, depression, months of suicidal thoughts and useless feelings.
Special thanks to my parents for your prayers and support. Friends and relatives who had spent their time helping me. Thanks for my high school ex-gf who caught me first when I need someone to say sorry to. [I was so afraid that I'd cry while doing it, but I could still handle it]. At least the useless thoughts have been somehow relieved. Thanks for my language course friends and teacher for listening to my 'GalauFM' channel everyday. And for people who were there when I was about to kill myself and asking my purpose of living, may God gives you what you deserve the most. I can't pay it with anything in this world. You all saved me.

I will write some more next time. My depression and also my scholarship story. See you!