March

March 2021 marks my 6th month of unemployment and suffering. Finally I applied as a lecturer at my previous uni. The dean and the dept. head welcomed me warmly, although there are lines of recruitment steps that I have to pass through. The truth is, I never expected that I'd be applying to that place. I made sure that I stated my intention that I'm going to get a PhD after 2-3 years working. The problem is that I don't know where to go. The university itself offered a scholarship for the lecturers who want to continue their study, but everything comes with a price. Once you graduated, the contract immediately put into force. 2*study_period(years)+1; Meaning that assuming that I finished my PhD in 3 years, I've to work at that place for 7 years. 

Anyway, I don't know where should I go and what I'm gong to pursue next. I have background in signal processing and machine learning, yet I still can't say that I'm an expert. I have that dream to decode speech from the mind. Not only speech, but the intention, context, and motoric plan. Maybe you get the point, I'm going to help that patients who can neither convey their feelings verbally nor non-verbally. Those like Stephen Hawking.

Somehow I could not see myself other than becoming a scientist or at least a researcher despite what my Prof. said back then. I have literally no interest in working at companies or even building a meaningful career in my home country. I have to get out from here. 

Speaking about scholarship and picking the right supervisor are difficult since there is a lot of luck factors comes into play. Oh life, why is it so hard to be stoic and just accept the current and let it go, unattached to anything but God. Why is it so hard to accept the reality and why I cannot just enjoy the moment?