Downward Spiral

I'm fucked up. Yep. For one month I did nothing because I couldn't think about anything aside from revising the paper and did a little experiment that honestly finished within a night or two. I feel like I wasted my time too much. 

Many will say that several rejections were considered normal. But I'm not. I don't handle rejection very well. I can say myself as a tunnel-visioned person. Once I want something, I want it to work no matter what. Basically, I have to plan for everything I have in mind, but not necessarily detailed, but tailored. Got the difference? For instance, I'd fill my CV with related projects with the position I'm aiming for. 

So, the first rejection story was a soft rejection. There is this startup company that works on brain image analysis for detecting dementia. I got called for an interview but then a holiday week came. After the holiday I notified that the interview was called off because the company is revising its hiring policy. Regarding the situation, I'd say that that company is not healthy financially. 

Second rejection story. I applied to another company looking for an AI engineer. So there I applied my CV along with the sample codes of projects that I did. Basically, I can't open all of my codes for some reason. They rejected me for a ridiculous reason; Not enough project. Oh well... So do they mean that they'd like to hire someone who submits a 5 pages CV filled with the college homework regardless of the relation on the aimed position?

The third rejection story came from my sensei. It was very kind of him to contact the company that collaborated with our lab on a project. The company is one of the big-named companies in Japan, it is on par with Sony, Panasonic, etc. They replied to my sensei telling him that they are not hiring this year. Fuck. So if big companies are not hiring, the startups also not hiring, how many graduate students will be a part-time worker in convenience stores or ramen restaurants (even restaurants and hotels are struggling)?

Honestly, I don't want to go back to my country for a reason that might be too silly. I just don't find myself suited to live there. I have tasted Japan (at least in my area) and my life is quite enjoyable here. If I have to go back to my country and assuming that I can work remotely, I'd like to live in a place like where I am right now. Which would less likely to be liveable. Too far from the food source, no internet, and on the final note, I just can't appreciate the stupidity. Living in a city is a big no-no for me.