Summer in A Tropical Island

 

18 July 2021
Someone sent a chat into the FB group that a store had moved. Curious, I spent several minutes looking for the spot and found it. Just looking at the scenery itself is already refreshing. Honestly, I can't stop dreaming about Japan ever since I moved to the capital and live alone. I have lived alone since I entered college, but this time it is not the same. Overall, my current situation is comparatively better than when I just graduated. However, I still dislike the capital (whatever country it is actually), although it is better than countryside if I want to buy some goods.

Going back here and facing the slow-paced people and low work-quality really stressed me out. They expect everyone to have the same common-sense and accept what they served which is basically half-assed most of the time. Take an example. I went to fix my bike the other day and while it was cheap, the work is not complete. The fix is mediocre and the mechanic didn't even set the shifter the way it used to before (which was fine). I remember when I had my bike fixed in Japan. I asked the mechanic to straighten my rim. He did it, although not perfect, he explained why and he even set the brakes! How cool is that?

One staff at my department just passed the interview for MEXT scholarship. If there is nothing wrong, then he will go for Japan next year. Good for you my friend! I hope you will have a good time there.

It has been a full month since the last time I went to the office. To be honest, this is what I ever wanted since I experienced working for the first time in 2016. What's the point of going into the office if those things can be done from anywhere? I enjoyed this pandemic situation somehow, although not 100%, it is still much better to meet people directly and talk rather than using emails. 

Aaaah, I do need a proper hardware support to conduct my research quickly. Damn. I need that GPU units. Why nobody proposed it? It is not like nobody uses deep learning stuff. There are people using that and I also need that. Looking at the ever-growing trend and the minor program in the campus, why don't facilitate us? For the researchers and potential students, Jesus. What's in your mind? Are you even in the right mind? You always ask for more publications, but what the fuck with this situation I'm in? I can do more than this if you prepared that stuff long before I joined. At least there are something to help this time-consuming finetuning and cross-validation.

When You Can't Fight The Situation, Step Aside or Go with The Flow

Finally I got a job! Yay! Although that means I will have to move out from my parent's place (which means leaving my working desk and comfy chair) and trade off several other things. Never thought that I will take this opportunity. I know this place and really want to forget everything related to it basically because I am really disappointed by how it was when I was pursuing my degree there. Looking back to the past few months, I've been complaining about how noisy my parent's house is and how restricted I am facing my parent's ideals and perspectives. 

Here are the trade-offs:

1. No more free food
2. No more luxurious working space
3. No more free lodging (although I tried to pay for the electricity at least)
4. No more fresh air (It is always worse in the capital ain't it?)
5. No more nice morning rides (Left my lovely bike there)

For this:

1. Freedom to choose what to cook and eat
2. A job which I can do and generates money
3. Silent place where I can live the way I want, away from my naggy parents
4. Nothing can beat fresh air and greens. This one is the most expensive price to pay following the next one
5. I only ride to the workplace which only 1.1k from my place with a folding bike. Neither a long nor even nice ride. But cheaper and better for my lungs compared to hailing for a ride or walking (fuck pollutants)
   

At the cost of:

1. Time. Since I have to do all of the stuffs by myself; Plus I need to prep and clean the veggies and meats more than I had to in Japan. However, this pandemic situation makes it a little bit easier since I have more flexibility.
2. Physical health. Since I came back, I don't want to go outside or being outside for too long. I hate the heat and pollution. Compared to when I was in Japan where I used to ride my bike everywhere anytime I want to.
3. Mental health. Perhaps this is not something I should compare here, but back then I felt less lonely than now. Seriously. Maybe because I was so drowned into my research and thus resulted in less focus on seeking social interaction. However, being alone here doesn't feel the same. Even though the environment is so familiar, I get lonely more easily here. (I never admit it if anyone asks)
4. Money (ofc). The salary here is much less than I earned in Japan (scholarship + research assistant), it is close the scholarship, but not quite. For comparison, for master students, MEXT scholarship recipients will get 144K yen per month, and my monthly living cost was roughly 40K yen (incl. dorm rent, utilities, food, transport, misc.) resulting in 104K yen per month to save excluding the research assistant salary which is close to my current gross salary. Hence, I can only save roughly 70K yen per month here. 

All in all, I guess my life is better off here. I plan to find PhD with scholarship after 2-3 years working here. Just to get used to the academia life here first, work my ass off to make a safety net in case my plan fails.

You see, coming back to this place after all these years really surprises me. It is like a home I couldn't appreciate but still welcomed me. It feels like my parents who take care of me but I cannot stand to live with. My life is so strange, whenever I feel like I am ready to spread my wings and fly away, there's always something that pulls me back whether I like it or not.