Rainy Season

Uh, hum... Hello, it's me again. Greetings from my room. It is a rainy season. Each dawn it will rain hard, during the day it sometimes pours a little, and heavy downpour during the night. Ah, it is the day again. Valentine's day. I hope it rains a lot. No, I have no bad ideas about the 14th of February, I am glad that this event exists because of the choco and sweets.
13th February night, I tried to talk to her again. She said that her feeling is neutralized towards me. How bad could it be? Yes, I can't think clearly and hardly accept that fact. I had never been like this before. I knew it happened months before and the factors behind. It is like a nightmare for me. I randomly awaken at night. Slight headache and teary eyed. Yes, I'm not making things up or exaggerating. It has been like this since that night.
Valentine's day came and spend alone because I have nobody to spend it with, not even a call, or a meaningful chat. If I could see the chats from years ago, I think I'd warn myself back then to avoid this one.
15th of February, a day of major election, a national holiday. I feel so lonely. Couldn't stand it, went to the office. It was empty, but I feel my inner feelings echoing in the room so I went back and forth to the restroom to clear my mind. Luckily I made it through the day. The whole day was sunny but it was raining in the evening. In the end I'm the one who is losing. I'm not playing victim. I know I was wrong and such. But girls will always look for someone she could depend on, no? Mature, responsible, and supporting. What can she expect from someone like me? I'm childish, vulnerable, emotional, cloudy minded, and support? How can I support anyone?
I don't know. I wish I have someone to talk to. I wish she stays the same. But it is impossible, right? I disappointed her. I'm not a man she deserves. It hurts me the most to be ignored and answered half-heartedly. This one sided feeling is killing me. Do you think that there is someone who is so busy that she doesn't even has a mindful thought about someone she cares about? Even at the lunch time she doesn't chat. Prioritizing her job above everything. Go home very late like crazy. Why? Just why? Why you do that? So that you have a reason to ignore me? Why are you doing that to your job that you are going to leave. Why you can't give me the same attention? Is it because the people there? How come you just treat me like this? How can you do this easily? How? Tell me so that I can do the same. This pain is killing me. How can you sleep soundly and do things like that? Tell me how. It is so unfair.