One thing I kind of learned up to this moment is that we tend to cling ourselves onto temporary things and that makes us suffer when that thing is taken away from us. I learned this the hard way. I love solitude, silence, and clean air. The times I had in Japan was just perfect for my soul. I can't describe the joy I felt when I was there. I knew perfectly how I love my situation back then and I also knew deep inside that one day, I oughta leave that paradise. The later was rather superseded by my ego. I cling myself to that situation, to the place, to the comfort. Who wouldn't?
Coming back home with all these disturbance and constraints tortures me so much that I almost went crazy. I just couldn't accept the thing I have to face and rather than helping, it worsens the situation. I've been told many times that nothing lasts forever. Nothing. Youth, wealth, health, friends, anything. So why do we fight so hard for something that will not stay? I should've learned that. I came from this developing country, had a mediocre life, mediocre job, and suddenly I went from nobody to something else. But then again it didn't last. I got a job, an ordinary one; Heartbroken, left-out, looked-down, couldn't find any prospective supervisor, but I applied to a scholarship anyway. Gradually, things got better, found this supervisor, got accepted, the scholarship also approved, went to Japan, and had a wonderful life.
But I went too far by clinging myself to those things. The ease of funding made it no hassle to publish your work to top level conferences or journals; The only thing that limits you is yourself and your work quality. I could easily go to wherever I would whenever I felt under the weather. However, that also doesn't last. Now, I am back in the slump. Even worse that I couldn't even secure a job I like, not even ones that matched my qualifications.
Applied to be a lecturer might be something I never had in mind. But what else I can do for now? So far there's no problem, but can I accept the new workplace? Or maybe I will find new directions. Who knows what's in store?
Currently, I'm continuing my research hoping to publish it into a journal. We'll see how it goes.
