First of all, I don't really remember feeling lost like this. Well, if I'm not mistaken, I was being in this state only once and this one is the worst. Being born as in an mediocre Asian family and a 'developing' country, makes my parents should think hard with my father's income and aunt-forced-non-working mom. But it's okay, magically we managed to live up until this moment.
But let me tell you, I was confused whether to go to for acceleration class that speeds up my middle-school year by only 2 years and also pursuing 2 years of accelerated high-school. But then I thought, why should I go with it? What are the benefits? Faster to get a job? Well, frankly speaking, if I got into that school maybe I will never become what I am now. I will be confused in high-school of where should I pursue my bachelor degree. What do I like? What should I do?
But sooner or later that confusion come to me. As an employee, do I happy with my choice? Could I aim higher? Why should I stuck here with people who don't even care about what can I do and treated the way they treat anyone? Why don't anyone understands my need?
I'm not paid for doing your thing. I want to do something and get paid from it. I don't know what should I do now. So I change my view and look for a master degree (some people also recommend me to do so). But this girl I met during mid-college year went to Japan already and preparing for her master degree by studying their language. She got a better job than mine and during that she became so busy and I felt ditched.
I think it is my ego to keep something for myself. But deep inside, I question myself whether I want to go for a master degree. All my life has been so easy and if I look back, I don't even need all those things I wanted. But why now? Why I am feeling so lost and can't be thankful for what I have?
